Soul Search, Part 2

These are lyrics from a deceased punk band called Zero Down. It is my favorite song from my favorite band and its relevent to this soul search series because every word is related to the way I was thinking when I first heard it. The chills went straight to the bone.

The clock is ticking on the wall the world is spinning
while the billions work to justify their lives.
They search for meaning in their useless sense of breeding
in their quest for recognition when they die.
Because ego won't permit belief in our mortality
so we manufactured our delusioned lie.
We believe with much conviction in our useless superstition
that our lives are bigger than life.
The man on TV preaches his beliefs to me
and says that I am doomed because I don't think like him.
He asks for contributions for his sermons convolutions,
in return is absolution for your sins.
I watch in disbelief as people try and shed their grief
because they can't accept the things that they've become.
They blindly patronize a dogmatic pack of lies
that tell them Jesus is their chosen one.
Strictly designed for the weak of mind,
not just the working man's opiate anymore.
Paralyzed minds all seeking the sublime
with all doubt ruled out by their faith in the divine.
All of them seeking that same righteous reward.
Weak of mind and born to follow,
do not question the beliefs you swallow.
Eternal life for your belief in man,
welcome to the empty promised land.
Don't think, don't breathe, don't live, just believe.
With no question just devotion lifeless life living in transit

Of course this is a lot more emotional when he is actually singing, but this basically sums up how I feel about the church and organized religion. I'm just not one of those people. To me, its either all or nothing. And I need facts before I can give up my soul. Even if I miraculously survived a plane crash without a scratch, sure I would take that as a sign from God that he is real and watching over me, but it still wouldn't have me running to the nearest baptist church. Just because there is a loving God out there doesn't mean that Christianity is "the right choice" to me. What if the answer to lifes biggest multiple choice question is "none of the above!" and he is just there without prejudice to what you believe, just that you are good and not evil. What if there was no divine inspiration when the Bible was written, or if there was never a Son of God. I just can't trust the written word from a time when controlling religious beliefs gave more power over people then actual leadership. Also word of mouth was the only means of comunication where maybe 1 in 100,000 actually witnessed the events from the original stories. Even with todays advancements in communications its impossible to trust what you and seeing and hearing about events in other areas of the world. We use half truths, and leave important details out. Or "spice" up the stories to make them more interesting for our own personal gain. I can only imagine what it was like back in the day where people had to walk from town to town.
But mainly to me it all just sounds like a farie tale. Heaven is a perfect place were you meet everyone you love that has died and live in eternal peace forever. And hell is described as the worse "humanly imaginable" place that noone in their right mind would ever want to go. Of course I am afraid of going to hell when I die and I would much rather go to heaven if it exists, but then I also wouldn't mind that whole 40 or so vigins thing. It doesn't mean I am about to sacrafice my life to Alla, or get baptised. I also wouldn't mind reincarnating into a wild horse that roams a beitiful countryside in undescovered country.. but I'm not about to go buy a book about it and take everything seriously.
All that I can hope for is that if I am a good guy, then good things will happen to me when I pass on. I shouldn't have to do anything querky or praise and worship some divinity when I am not ready to give up my most prized possesions on a hunch... my heart and soul. I just need to stay out of trouple, live my life to the fullest, and hope that if there is a God out there, then he will see who I really am deap down inside and welcome me into paradise. If I am not welcome in paradise then I will join the others like me and suffer eternally. I wouldn't want to be in that kind of a heaven anyway.

I still need to fill in the gaps in my life on this topic, which will be next. And then I'll ask some of the many questions that lead me to doubt.

Peace